Pessimistic Views of Life...oh joy

What if I'm the bad guy?

: )

Sparks of hope...

There is nothing like a good Fantasy Romance to spark the idea that maybe...just maybe, there is some tiny bit of hope for happiness. Why are all the good men: taken, gay or completely fictional?! Not to mention that the character I am talking about is(is that...hmm nvm), a VAMPIRE! But geez, I mean come on. Is there really such thing as "Happily Ever After"? Okay even if there isn't is there such thing as happiness under the same roof with someone of the opposite sex? Maybe I should go get my fortune told to me. LOL. One day I will wake up and find happiness within what I have now, an 11 yr old and a 2 yr old...who cares about anything else? All I know is I am not getting any younger here and my heart aches....

New Project...

I have yet to finish my nerdy project but have come to a bump in the road. But since I have invested in a wonderful scanner, I am now off to my new project. We'll see how it goes. Time to learn how to PS color scanned pictures...woooo. :\

A few ideas on a title for a comic of Penguin Villains would help...indeed.

Huzzah! *clicks heels*

The Artistic mind of Jackie will be her downfall

Few and far between do you find decent ones. Although I seem to be lucky enough to have found a couple. Which is nice indeed.

Sometimes I wonder if I would see my life as any better if I didn't have these scenarios of a different life all the time. Sometimes I see my curiosity and imagination as a curse. Although I love my artistic...yes aRtistic...mind, picturing some long lost forgotten land, beautiful landscapes, wonderful smiles, and happy people. I wake up in the now and I remember that my mind can't take my body with it.

How do you keep your mind from wandering?

Just for you...

Only the Good Die Young

This one's for you Mamma


I tried my hardest to make you as comfortable as possible. Holding your hand watching you go into an anxiety attack wondering why you couldn't breathe or talk. Oh Mamma, I should have stayed with you...I shouldn't have left your side. But I know that you are in a better place, and my jealously sides with God for He now has you and I wish I did. My heart will always have a hole in it, no one will ever replace you. You were kind, generous, loving, and warm. Life will go on without you, but I will never forget you. I won't let my children grow up not knowing your love for those around you and your furry kids. I love you Mamma, I always will.

In Memory of Rachel A. Wheelan
March 3, 1960-September 30, 2008
"Only The Good Die Young"

Life

I have found a new idea of life.

Life is a someone that has put a flaming bag of sh*t on your front porch but doesn't ring the door bell. Sitting back laughing every time you say "Jesus Chris what is that smell?!" Sooner or later I will find the flaming bag of sh*t on my door step and put it out. But I feel that that time is as far away as I am from Pluto.

I sit here at home wondering what will happen when my mother passes. Sitting here trying to make her as comfortable as possible until the end. I wish I could do more for her, but I know that all my attempts will fail because this is the road that life has taken us to. I don't know what to do, it seems as though the problems, stress, and worries just keep piling up. Not only do I have to take care of my mother as she grows closer to a better place I have to take care of her wishes at the end, take care of an 11 yr old and a 2 yr old, figure out how I will fight for custody of my child when I am 1300 miles away taking care of the teenager that the stroke has dropped on my doorstep. *sigh*

I will hold my breath in hope that this will all pass soon, surely I will pass out from lack of oxygen soon enough...and I am sure you will hear about that.

This wasn't supposed to be about my life...but alas here we are.

Good news- Christmas is on it's way...time for a new header! Get ready!!!

"These tears we spill, they haunt us still..."

My life has fallen apart...

My mother has small cell lung cancer...

Smile!

Here is a little something to brighten your day:

Video chat rooms at Ustream

House: Hmm I have now watched the new epi, and it was very predictable in the end. I hoped and hoped it would turn differently..but no. I was disappointed. Not my favorite epi by far. We'll see how this all unfolds. ^.^

A little change of scenery...

Well I have changed a bit from my usual graphical artistic work, to a little eye spy artistic work..


My wonderful side(?) yard? Oh yes that tree that's about to fall over. That was from a recent summer storm we had that ripped my yard in half, and literally split my dogwood tree in half. That tree doesn't look as bad as my dog wood does. But look at those colors! Aren't they amazing?!

In other news...

Work...meh what can I say, it's work. I don't like it, but the job is alright. Not too hard, although I don't necessarily like all the responsibility. First day on the job I left with the keys to the store and the bank deposit box in my hands. Fourth day on the job I was opening the store and running it by myself. And I only work three days a week, 7 hours a day. Although we need a lot more cash then that..I think I like it.

More news...

I get paid on Tuesday...and I am paying for my US server account. I feel bad for leaving a friend in the dust, but I just can't handle it anymore. I feel guilty as hell...and I am sure you know this by now. But..well you know. *sigh* I guess the hours will be better also. I will be playing a US server and an Aussie server. And although my aussie mates won't be able to play with me too much, I can still play normal hours. I won't have to worry about getting up o-dark-thirty for raids and b.s. here and there. Much less running a guild full or morons that don't respect a thing I say. So huzzah! :\

And Lastly but not least...
Did you see the new episode of House?! S05E03, it was goooood. I still don't know if I like this little twerp of a P.I. I miss Wilson more then House does. *sigh* We'll see how it goes, I am going to be pissed if the whole show goes downhill though.

The love of my Laptop

Well, I have started on yet another project although I seem to be very unhappy with it. But I have decided that this time I don't have to rush so I will take a good few days with this one and really make it special.


I am really trying to get away from my usual technique of my graphic design. It is very bottom of the line and needs a lot of work. So when I have nothing else to do I usually sit here and go through hundreds of pages of tutorials seeing what I like and what I don't like. Taking pieces of this persons style that I like and twisting a bit so it fits me and use it. But I have seem to come to a bump in the road. Seems like everyone's style is *oops that's not pretty and it certainly won't smell nice either*. But I still can't get out of this habit that I am in. And really that's all *opps that's not pretty and it certainly won't smell nice either* also. So I spend hours of my sad, sad little life searching for that new idea that will push me to evolve my style.

Re-reading this I seem to being in the same predicament in my own life outside of this nice little browser(gotta love FF and those that create browser skins). But that is another story all of it's own, yeah? But anyways I am working on another large project to emphases my nerdiness. But I will start realeasing those with the next post. Until then..

Happy Trees!

P.S. As for my Title..first person to guess where I wrote this will understand why I love laptops oh so much.

She's Back!

Yes I have decided to come back to the blogging world, although I know I only have one reader. But really this is for the purpose of getting some of my graphics out there and letting people know what I was thinking when I shot the pic or designed the Graphic. Scary I know, but you can deal with it!

-Jax