I don't have the answers.

You never realize how much you love someone until they are gone. Tonight was the first night Samantha grieved. It was hard to be strong for her, and it was harder to answer her questions. How do you answer: Why is life not fair? Why did God take her and make the rest of us sad? Why do we have to die?

I may not be as spiritual as I used to be, but Thank God for having Him in my life. I can't imagine trying to deal with a death like this and not having God in your life. When things got too bad for me he sent me someone to help me. And wow...all I can truley and honestly say from this point on is that God never gives you more then you can handle and Everything happens for a reason whether it be good or bad. I may not have the answers but I know who does, and I trust Him enough to let me know the answers when I am ready.

I thank all my family and friends that have given Sam and I their thoughts and prayers. Life is hard alone. Thank God I have a wonderful family and great friends. I may not have many friends but the ones I do have are real friends, and I know I can trust them with anything. And I know that if others can love me that much, I can too. A work in progress...

I miss you Mamma...I know you are still here but it's not the same. It never will be. I am glad you are happy and aren't hurting anymore. I know you will be waiting for me, and I will hug you then. I love you.

Laugh a little

Time to Rock Out!

So Tom and I were surfing the net just a bit ago, well we still are but that's besides the point. Anyways, I don't even remember(this is what happens when you smoke too much pot as a teen kids) who found out. But Hinder and Theory of A Deadman is coming to Denver on the eight. *whispers "Still can't spell correctly btw, thank God for Spell Check via FF." * So I think we are going to buy tickets tomorrow to go see them. This will be really nice, can't wait!!!!

For your listening enjoyment
Hinder - Get Stoned

Hinder - Get Stoned

Theory Of A Deadman - Bad Girlfriend

Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend

Enjoy! <3

Wow

A new lappy and a wonderful man...I don't think this can get any better. HA! Eat that!

Oh f.y.i. I failed my quest we'll see if I can snag some next time...

YAY for memory!!

So I decided to go blow some money today, ordered myself a VERY nice lappy which should arrive in 5-7 business days and I got myself a Seagate 1TB External HD!! Oh man am I happy.

PLUS! I am loving life atm...God there is only one thing that could make this all better. I just hope that this doesn't go away. I haven't been this happy in a VERY VERY long time. <3

A quest...

We have decided to go out again on Friday, my quest being that I will try and document this momentous occasion to the best of my abilities with a disposable camera. This should be interesting...hahaha.

A good time...

For once in a very long time I went out and had a good time! Oh em gee, yes it's amazing. The only thing that I wish was that my drinking buddies where with me, because I got s-h-i-t faced! Once I started getting what I like to call, "I don't feel anything anymore and have to pee like a race horse" I decided to hit up the Bull Bombs x2. THEN I go pee AGAIN and go smoke outside, I come back and there is this shot waiting for me. I want to point out that I never once payed for a drink, thank god for BOOBIES!!! I look at Tom(the guy I went out with), and I say "Tom...what is this?" There is a lime and a package of salt there too, so really I knew but I needed confirmation. "Don't worry about it Jackie, it's good for you just drink it." "TOM! I have never done Tequila before!" We rant and rave, it's his turn to shoot for pool. So F*CK it I do it. There were two more shots after that. And that's when I don't remember much...here are the highlights that are in my head.

Enter Jackie and Tom sitting at the far, quiet end of the bar.

Tom- "Jackie are you ready to go home?" Smirking
Jackie looks at the brand new hasn't been touched open bottle of beer, sighs and says..."Yeah"

Enter Jackie and Tom sitting at Shari's for Breakfast.
Jackie- "Just get me whatever I will brb" Rushes to the bathroom...

Enter Jackie with her face on the seat on the toilet with barf in the toilet.

Enter Jackie walking back to the table and realizing Tom is finishing his meal...
Thoughts to herself "Jesus Christ, how long was I throwing up?!?! I must have passed out on the toilet...it was sooo cool, it felt good on my face."

Enter Jackie laying in bed wondering what the hell just happened...

TA DA!!!

It was good times, let's hope next time I go out I will be able to walk properly, without holding onto Tom's arm with my life in front of the cop watching me smiling like he just heard a very funny joke.

I hope that next weekend I will have better Bar Stories...I will try and stay a little bit more sober this time.

Poetic or Pathetic?

Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting...

When the nights feel like an eternity,
the next thing you know you wake up and your thirty.
It's when you look down,
only to find your heart is no where to be found.
That's when you know the past is gone,
but don't know where to start to move on.
You can't help but stop and stare,
thinking and hoping you saw them over there.
Knowing they'll never say,
the words that make you hurt everyday.
Now it's time to smile,
and make believe that you've gone that extra mile.
That extra mile to find happiness within your heart,
knowing there will always be that part.
That part that lives in the past that can never forget,
the place, time, and words you will never regret.
©2009 Jacqueline M. McClure

Class A Bitch

Warning: This post may not be suitable for all ages. Personal Caution is advised!

Okay I call myself a Bitch, it's true I am one. Don't think so? Then go ahead and read. Still advising that you should just probably wait for the next post though, this really is just for one person but...it seems like I have fallen off the face of the earth aqording to them.

[rant][Volume=10]
I put everything on the line, told you things I have never told ANYONE. Yeah I f*cked up, really big. I not only f*cked things up on my side but on yours too. I caused too much pain. But holy sh*t! I remember hearing someone say something about being a Best(lol almost said Breast) Friend. How the f*ck am I supposed to be any kind of friend when 1. I don't know what the f*ck is going on, and 2. YOU WONT EVEN TALK TO ME?!?! Don't you think even a short e-mail explaining your temorary loss of words to me would help?!
I never realised how easy it was to loose a friend you thought would be there for the rest of your life. But maybe this is just my personalitiy. Soon enough everyone tells me to GTFO. Jesus Christ I have never been mad at you once before in all of my knowing you. But this really hits it hard. Not even a "I don't want to talk to you". You just throw me off MSN and act like I don't exsist hoping that I will feel the same way. Well let me tell you something, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I didn't lie when I said those things *name*! So don't even try telling yourself that I did. All I ask for is enough RESPECT for AT LEAST seven WORDS "I don't want to talk to you."!!!!
And if that's not how you feel you aren't showing it well, let me tell ya. I have been sitting here for two days(almost straight through!) wondering what the f*ck is going on. She may hate me but atleast she'll SPEAK to me! You must really hate me beyond words, great you and Ryan have something in common.

F*CK F*CK F************************CK!

[/Volume]

I have lots more to say but it is no long appropriate at this time or ever. Is it too bad of me to ask for some answers?

[/rant]

Scripting my own rants now, Jesus Christ I need a life.